Managed Fitness plans vs managing relationships

 Fit Claims Pro LLC blog 1  --    8-15-2022

Health and fitness goals.

Relationship goals.

For some of us, this is all very easy.   Great relationships skills and great time management skills that help you get in your workouts and do your meal prep.

Happy wife/girlfriend (writing this from a male perspective - sorry girls - but please swap wife for hubby as needed or if needed) 

Some of us can handle one of these but not the other -  and for some of us , both these goals are complete mysteries as our personal lives are perpetually in chaos.

There are no great mysteries in life.   Do you want to lose weight?    How about eat a little less and move a little more?  -- Same as it ever was

Ahh --were it so simple

Do you want your relationship to be great?  How about a little more self sacrifice and empathy, and a little more kindness?

again;;;;;;;  Ahhhh- were it so simple

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What about the rest of us?     What if we're eating less, moving more and practicing kindness and things still suck?   

         You're still 50 lbs overweight and always on the outs with your lady friend.

Emotional peril happens when a confluence of events intersects and affects each other.   Everyone has heard of emotional eating for sure.   Not everyone is affected by this and for some of us, its emotional drinking

      There seems to be some separation of the sexes with this, but there are no hard and fast rules.    Women's version of emotional eating could be grabbing a bunch of cupcakes at the grocery store -- The goal is to just have one - maybe 2.    But the next morning all 8 are gone.    All 8 cupcakes are gone , then you beat yourself up about it and say "I'm really not worthy " - then chick think is to be so depressed about your cupcake dalliance that you will skip your workout because you feel fat.

       One skipped workout leads to 2, then 3 and when 3 weeks pass- to quote Coach Vinnie Tortorich - "Your good intentions have been completely stolen !"

For men?   Some of us (well, me) drink too much beer.    Beer leads to late night food indiscretions as well.   Tony's pizzas are amazing after 8 beers !    Again - for different reasons (maybe you have a headache the next day or just have an overwhelming sense of lethargy from the booze and carbs) - but you also skip that workout the next day , and the next - and then a month goes by

How does this happen when you are otherwise running a pretty tight program?   I mean -- in my case, i was minding my steps with my Garmin watch - taking an extra 30 minutes at lunches a handful of days a week to walk around the block a bit

    Cycling regularly, plus doing some physical therapy style workouts a handful of times per week - all the while taking care of yourself nutritionally with mindful and conscientious eating choices that follow whatever flavor of the week diet plan you're trying this time      (Pro tip:   They all work if you follow them religiously  -- however, not all are sustainable long term)

What leads to emotional eating or frat boy level drinking?     I can say with confidence that relationship turmoil can lead to this.  But is certainly not the only thing but for the purposes of this synopsis, thats what im looking at 

Arguments or disagreements .   Lack of sexual energy.  Emotional lethargy, or just going through the motions.   OR if someone doesn't have a relationship at all and is even more depressed about that

Being single sucks - lonely nights, fear.  

But regarding being single --  if one wants to rectify that - bingeing on cupcakes and beer is probably not the best way to go about it

 -- we left off yesterday with me stating that cupcakes and beer is not the way to rectify being single 

What did i really mean by that?    There's likely a potential partner out there that may love cupcakes and beer also!

       But the point i was making is that for most of us, -- impulsive and gluttonous behavior is a turn off.   Going to extremes with anything is a sign that we simply don't care anymore, and it's a testament that we lack good discipline

    Lacking discipline will also translate into poor relationship performance.   Lack of discipline means running away from problems and not having the patience it takes to figure things out.   We can lash out like children -- only now as adults, the stakes are much higher than 7th grade schoolyard theatrics.

     Love itself is a powerful emotion and it's said that love itself can trigger actions that can destroy a relationship

  Finding fault with each other constantly, pushing boundaries, bickering. distancing each other and not ever feeling completely at ease.

It takes discipline to recognize when this is going on and sometimes when it comes to finger pointing - we should be looking in the mirror and pointing at ourselves.   We can tend to pick out whats wrong with other people rather than tending our own garden and addressing whats going on with ourselves that makes us do these things

     Relationship discipline can mean taking periods of time for self-reflection to try to get to the root cause of why we do the things we do and what specifically is making us so unhappy -- because its not always her or him -- unhappiness starts from within and when we project this on our partner, it results in finding fault, keeping score, nitpicking and over analyzing every move they make

         We don't do that with our buddies do we?   We don't do that with our siblings ---   No - we do this with the ones we are closest to and the ones we love the most.     And this is why i stated that love itself can trigger actions that destroy relationships

    It takes discipline to realize when we are going off the rails and the best time to start working on it is right now

     Don't let another day go by without acknowledging that there is an issue that you sometimes feel powerless to overcome -- because realizing there is something out there that seemingly renders you powerless is the first step to getting your power back.     

     Love shouldn't be making you feel powerless, love should give you power

I don't care what your religious proclivities are but the bible said it best in 1 Corinthians

  Love is patient, kind, does not envy, boast, is not proud or rude, is not self-seeking, easily angered.  Love does not keep any record of wrongs and does not delight in evil.

  Love rejoices with the truth and always protects, trusts, hopes , never fails and perseveres

Think about that last one - Love perseveres .    Think about it as the start of a daily exercise.   Take one facet of that list every day and concentrate your thoughts on it .     Spend 5 minutes in meaningful meditation thinking about how love perseveres.    If you and your partner are experiencing hardship - think about the day you realized you were falling in love - then think about the day or moment that you realized you werent just falling - you were in.

    Think about how exciting that time was and that this person who sometimes seems like an enemy now was your whole world then .

     How are you going to get that back?     Discipline my friends

So if you are going through a trial and you really feel like you are being tested - please take my advice and think about those tenets spoken of in 1 Corinthians .      These  tenets transcend Christianity and can provide the blueprint for an effective base for your relationship.

   Take it one day at a time and start with Perseverance.     Tomorrow think about the premise that love NEVER FAILS.

     And so on and so on -  16 phrases for 16 days. just take 5 minutes.  These principles should build upon themselves.    The first 2, Patience and kindness - really need to be worked on all day everyday in all facets of life as well, not just our intimate relationships

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So since the premise of this posting is to compare managing a relationship to managing a fitness plan - i probably should take a bit about the fitness part huh?

Working on your relationship DOES improve your mental fitness .   Improved mental fitness makes everything easier

But it doesn't necessarily get rid of that belly does it .    OR tone up those thighs - whatever your physical fight is

    Some of us are overweight , and i think this is by far the biggest aspect of the multi-billion dollar (probably hundreds of billions of dollars) fitness industry.

   But some of us are unhappy with specific physical performances or are trying to just not feel so sluggish.

   Bottom line:  Most of us are unhappy with something

The fat guy or gal is pissed off because they love donuts so much.   The skinny guy wishes he could gain weight.  The regular looking guy wants to see his abs again,  the guy or gal who looks like they spend 4 hours in the gym every day is upset because they've plateaued on their strength in some key lifts

on and on and on --  seemingly nobody is truly happy or satisfied - and thats okay

Another phrase im fond of using is regarding satisfaction

                Satisfaction is the death of desire

Its true.     It would be a great thing to be able to sit back and say - "Im perfect in every way i need to be , and im okay with the ways that i am not perfect ! "

But that feeling does not exist for most of us and we can tap into our dissatisfaction , our shame and our angriness with ourselves and use it as fuel to propel ourselves forward

   Its tough to break negative cycles of self abuse and turn off the switch that makes us reach for that beer, or piece of cake , pizza or whatever

This is going to be a review of what i wrote  a few paragraphs back in the relationship section , but the same words apply here

    It takes discipline to realize when we are going off the rails and the best time to start working on it is right now

     Don't let another day go by without acknowledging that there is an issue that you sometimes feel powerless to overcome -- because realizing there is something out there that seemingly renders you powerless is the first step to getting your power back.     

     Love shouldn't be making you feel powerless, love should give you power

A well managed and well disciplined relationship really does give you the tools you need to manage your fitness plan effectively.   Plus - you have a team member, a coach, a cheerleader and possibly a workout partner all rolled up into one magnificent person that you love and care about!       Isnt that cool?

But wait a second -- what if things arent cool or perfect and you are currently on the outs with your partner .      Or what if youre completely by yourself?

You have to realize what i said.   Love should give you power.

But Doug?  I don't have love in my life - my girlfriend and I aren't getting along very well and i haven't seen her in 2 weeks !

    Or -- Doug, i don't have anyone in my life now, so what is this love you speak of?

How about a little self love in place of your personal self loathing.    When you don't love yourself, it shows

 How can a person who loves himself/herself neglect their goals, skip their workouts, reach for harmful foods or drinks, maybe even put off necessary doctors appointments ?

    That's complicated and i wont even try to go into the mechanics of personal depression here because i would be giving you opinions and not facts. 

   But i will say (as a personal opinion) that depression can definitely trigger self loathing -- and it can flip flop to where a person is so unhappy with their current state that it can trigger depression too

    If you think this may be the case, find someone to talk to about it

But back to the over-simplistic premise of diet and exercise of "Move more and eat less" -  think of today as your day

Remember when i encouraged you to think back to the day you knew you were in love with your partner?    Try to apply that some fondness and kindness to yourself today

Yes - i've got strong personal opinions on what are the most effective diet plans for a person's respective goals .  But i don't think there is a singular that fits everybody and every situation

So instead of making recommendations, - i would encourage you to just pick one and go with it for 2 months.   There are a lot of theories out there..    Keto, paleo, low carb, low fat, intermittent fasting, 8 hour window, then others that truly sound like BS like South Beach or Whole 30, but if you look at them, they are variations of other well recognized and effective plans.

    Just pick one

Then - clean out your fridge.   Get rid of the clutter and the things that don't fit your goals.     Throw out the junk.   But if its a meat product, cook it up and give it to your neighbor's dog.   Philosophically i cant endorse throwing away something animal based but i digress

    Then take a few bucks and go to the store and refill the fridge with clean foods that will start you on your journey to curing yourself

Sometimes doing a complete 180 on your current lifestyle can be a shock to the system.     Its the New Years Resolution effect.

   People go in hard on January 2nd and burn themselves out by January 28th.    By March 1st, look around the gym and the only ones there will be the same 5 or 6 people who just always seem to perpetually be there.     The well meaning New  Years folks who sign a year long commitment are back on the couch

     So lets start slow.   It will be an easier path to success

Spend a couple of weeks on tuning up the diet and work your way slowly back to the gym, or the trails or track or whatever your workout plan of choice might be

    And yes - like diets - i have strong opinions on workouts too, but this is not the place to discuss those as the real trick will be to just get us jump started properly.

That doesn't mean to do nothing for the first 2 weeks -- it just means walk a little more, or dust off your bike and take a ride around the block a few times --  and don't worry about "results" - just get your heart rate up and over 125 for a bit but try not to exceed 140.  Just keep it casual

A once great relationship that is fractured CAN be rebuilt with love, patience and kindness

Likewise , your once great physique that is now broken down and portly CAN be rebuilt too!  Yes, with love, patience and kindness also 

See the parallels?    Those of us who are fighting this fight on both fronts can have it all if we play this right !

-- To be continued